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Jack the Slob and the Goddess of Love

from Avalon is Risen by Leslie Fish

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about

I wrote this as a jolly warning to lazy louts; be careful what you pray for, especially to the Goddess of Love – she just might grant your wish. No, it wasn’t inspired by any one person, though plenty of women have sworn they know guys like this.

lyrics

Jack the Slob to Venus prayed:
“Grant this night I shall get laid,
Tonight I shall get laid.”

The Goddess said: “That shall I do,
But first I ask three things of you.”

“First, go clean your teeth and bod and hair,
And change your week-old underwear.”

“Next, pray put on clothes that flatter you:
A clean T-shirt and jeans will do.”

“Third, when a maid you would impress,
Pray do not drool down her chest.”

Jack replied: “No, thank you, Ma’am.
Send me a girl who’ll take me as I am.”

Venus said: “I’ll tell you what,
Though I should kick your lazy butt.”

“Perhaps ’twould be more fitting far
To send you a maid who’ll take you as you are.”

“Pray go at once to the city zoo,
There you’ll find the maid for you.”

There he went with hopes held high
Until the ape house he came nigh.

There a maiden him did view,
And she was struck with passion true.

Her hair was thick, her looks were free…
Indeed, she was a lovely chimpanzee.

She leapt the fence ere he could run,
And seized him boldly by the bun.

She dragged him swiftly to her lair.
For all that I know, he may still be there.

So lazy swains, you’d best believe:
You should not get the Goddess peeved.
You should not get Her peeved!

credits

from Avalon is Risen, released June 10, 2012
Margaret Davis: harpsichord & recorders
Shira Kammen: fiddle
Kristoph Klover: backing vocals & kazoo

Song © 1984 Leslie Fish

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Leslie Fish Phoenix, Arizona

If there's one name that's practically synonymous with filk (Science Fiction folk music), it's Leslie Fish. Leslie has written literally hundreds of songs covering almost every subject, from the space program ("Hope Eyrie"), to Star Trek ("Banned From Argo") to urban life, history, and space fantasy ("Carmen Miranda's Ghost"). ... more

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