We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Not the Way to Get Laid

by Leslie Fish

supported by
Delenn
Delenn thumbnail
Delenn I fell in love with Heather Alexander and Leslie Fish in 2008, and that love has only grown as Heather the Changeling went back from where she came and returned Alexander James Adams to the world, and as I've heard more of Leslie Fish's music. I heard this song in particular and immediately said: "Take my money!" and bought it on the spot. That's how much I love this track.
/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $1 USD  or more

     

  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 5 Leslie Fish releases available on Bandcamp and save 30%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Angel with a Sword, Sea of Dreams, Not the Way to Get Laid, Avalon is Risen (The Retro Filk Mix), and Avalon is Risen. , and , .

    Purchasable with gift card

      $25.90 USD or more (30% OFF)

     

about

Leslie's tips for incels, originally written back in 2001.

*Explicit lyrics*

lyrics

Listen and I'll tell you
How it's done
If you want a woman
Learn from one
Don't assume this is all for your fun
These are not the ways to get laid

First don't ignore that measuring tape
And chow down 'til you loose your shape
'Cause nobody beds with moby grape
This is not the way to get laid
Don't play the cool, sophisticate
To show how smart you are
Tellin' all your kinky fantasies
Just won't get you very far

Don't skip washing
Do it well
Don't let laundry go to hell
Don't think women like the smell
This is not the way to get laid
And when some babe comes into view
Don't let hormones think for you
And start by saying
"Hi, let's screw!"
This is not the way to get laid

Don't pour your life story out
On every handy ear
Let's get real
Your life's is a bore
Or else you wouldn't still be here

Now don't be gross when you begin
Or tell plump girls you like 'em thin
Or brag of where your tongue has been
This is not the way to get laid
Don't assume they love your body
Or that your dick is a holy rod
Or that your feelings are the word of God
This is not the way to get laid

No one's gonna fill your bed
Just because you're you
Nobody cares what you think or feel
Unless you give them reason to

'Cause if you talk and act like a dirty shmoe
Look and smell like a buffalo
Then even the whores are gonna say no
This is not the way to laid

Grow up baby
And don't say maybe
Or else you'll never get laid

credits

released September 3, 2021
Produced and arranged by Tom Allen.

Cover artwork by K.J. Joyner

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Leslie Fish Phoenix, Arizona

If there's one name that's practically synonymous with filk (Science Fiction folk music), it's Leslie Fish. Leslie has written literally hundreds of songs covering almost every subject, from the space program ("Hope Eyrie"), to Star Trek ("Banned From Argo") to urban life, history, and space fantasy ("Carmen Miranda's Ghost"). ... more

contact / help

Contact Leslie Fish

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Report this track or account

If you like Leslie Fish, you may also like: